Is it you,
or is it them?

Real-Time Latency, Loss & Jitter

ICMP pings or HTTP/HTTPS probes to multiple custom targets every 2–30 seconds. Each metric is averaged over its own configurable evaluation window before any status change fires — so AWDL scans, band-steering events, and momentary blips are absorbed. You get signal, not noise.

Fault Isolation — Me or Them?

Every tick includes a gateway ping alongside your external targets. Me Or Them immediately tells you: local network / router, ISP / internet outage, or mixed. The gateway has its own live entry in the dropdown — never buried three levels deep.

Deep WiFi Diagnostics

BSSID, RSSI, SNR, channel, band, PHY mode, Tx rate, IP address, and router — all without requesting Location permissions, sourced directly from CoreWLAN. On Ethernet, it shows your IP, MAC address, and interface details instead.

Multi-Resolver DNS Monitoring

Probes up to 8 DNS resolvers simultaneously every ~30 seconds using raw UDP queries that bypass the OS cache — so you get actual resolver response times, not cached values. Cloudflare, Google, Quad9, OpenDNS, AdGuard, and your system and gateway resolvers are pre-configured; add your own in Settings. Slow DNS is one of the most common hidden causes of sluggish browsing, and now it's visible.

Adaptive Polling

When degradation is detected, polling frequency automatically doubles to give you higher-resolution data exactly when you need it. Three consecutive clean polls restore the normal interval. No configuration, no manual reset — it just adapts.

Network History — Up to 366 Days

Interactive charts for latency, packet loss, jitter, WiFi signal, and DNS resolver latency. Time windows from 1 hour to 1 year. Incident markers, threshold reference lines, regression trend lines, and a daily pattern chart showing congestion by hour of day across 30 days of history.

Bandwidth Testing

One-click speed test using the bundled Ookla CLI — no separate download required. A thin colored bar appears below the status icon when results are ready. Results are included in the diagnostics engine's bufferbloat analysis and in all exports.

Full-History Exports

Export gzip-compressed CSV or JSON, or a formatted PDF report — directly from the app. Every export includes timestamps, RTT, loss, jitter, WiFi samples, DNS resolver latency, and target identifiers. Opt in to a continuous daily CSV log at ~/Library/Logs/MeOrThem/ for integration with external tooling.

MTU & Path Fragmentation

Periodically sends a 1472-byte probe with the Don't-Fragment bit set. A pattern of large-packet failures while normal pings succeed is a classic sign of VPN tunnel misconfiguration, PPPoE DSL link issues, or a firewall silently blocking oversized packets — causing slow loads and stalled connections with no visible ping loss.

Hardware Interface Error Monitoring

Samples the kernel's hardware-level error and drop counters for the active network interface every ~30 seconds. Repeated driver drops or CRC errors — invisible to ping — indicate RF interference, a faulty cable, or a failing network adapter. Me Or Them surfaces this before it becomes a full outage.

Notifications & Auto-Updates

Opt-in macOS notifications fire when your network degrades, even while you're in another app. When a new version is available, a notice appears at the top of the dropdown with a one-click update path. No pop-overs, no nagging, no surprise relaunch.

Menubar Bar Chart Mode

Replace the status circle with a rolling 5-reading bar chart directly in the menubar — so you can see at a glance whether a blip is isolated or part of a trend, without opening a single window.

Connection Stability Score

Every network session earns a 0–100 stability score with an A–F letter grade, weighted across latency, packet loss, jitter, and DNS reliability. The score surfaces in Connection Profiles for instant comparison across networks, locations, and time periods.

Apple Shortcuts Integration

Four Shortcuts actions expose Me Or Them to macOS Shortcuts and compatible automation tools: Get Network Status, Run Bandwidth Test, Get Last Incident, and Export Network Report. Build status-aware automations, trigger diagnostics from a keyboard shortcut, or chain network checks into larger workflows.

Battery-Aware Monitoring

On MacBooks, monitoring intensity adjusts automatically to power state — Normal on AC power, Reduced on battery, or Pause entirely. Keeps overhead invisible when every milliwatt counts, without any manual toggle.

Local Metrics Endpoint

An optional built-in HTTP server exposes live metrics in Prometheus format and JSON — ready to scrape with Grafana, any OpenMetrics-compatible collector, or custom scripts. Enable it in Settings → Advanced.

⚠ Disabled by default. When enabled, the server listens on 127.0.0.1 (localhost only). Any process running on your Mac can query it. Do not port-forward or expose this to an untrusted network — the endpoint has no authentication.

Built-in Plain-English Help

Every metric, concept, and diagnostic pattern in Me Or Them has a plain-language explanation written for people who aren't network engineers. Open the Help window to read what latency actually means, why jitter breaks calls even when the average looks fine, or what a DNS resolver actually does — written like a patient friend explaining it, not a textbook. No intimidating jargon. No external links. Everything is built in and available offline.

Evaluation Windows — No False Alarms

Each metric is averaged over its own configurable window (default: 15 s latency / 10 s loss / 30 s jitter) before comparing against thresholds. A single noisy poll is diluted by the surrounding good samples and never triggers a status change alone. The 30-second jitter window specifically guards against Apple's AWDL-service channel scans (AirDrop / Handoff) that spike every ~60 seconds.

Fault Isolation — Exactly Where to Look

Every tick includes a gateway ping alongside your external targets. If your router is unreachable: "local network / router". If the gateway is fine but external targets all fail: "ISP / internet outage". The gateway appears as a permanent entry in the menu with its own sparkline and live latency reading.

Raw UDP DNS Probing

DNS probes are sent as raw UDP packets directly to each resolver, bypassing mDNSResponder and the OS cache entirely. What you see in the dropdown is the resolver's own response time — accurate, uncached, and comparable between providers. When one resolver is consistently slower than the others, you'll know.

Adaptive Polling — More Data When It Matters

After two consecutive degraded polls, the polling interval halves automatically. Denser data exactly when you need to diagnose a problem. After three clean polls the original interval is quietly restored — no configuration, no manual reset.

Trimmed Outlier Rejection

With three or more targets, the best and worst readings per metric are discarded before computing overall status. A consistently slow server or a temporarily unreachable target can't drag your status to red on its own. Status reflects your actual experience across all targets.

Pause & Resume

Pause monitoring when you're offline intentionally — travelling, hotspot, VPN — so you don't accumulate false degradation events or skew the session history. The icon shifts to grey. Bandwidth testing is also suppressed while paused.